Adoption has always had a very special place in my heart because my very best friend, who I’ve known my entire life, is adopted. But, it was never something we thought we would pursue. We just thought we’d grow our family in the “normal” way- get pregnant, have baby, wait a few years, get pregnant again, and have another baby. But God had other plans for us.
I remember the idea of adopting popped into my head just a few weeks after we lost our first baby, Ellis, and I immediately shut it down. “I want to have my own kids,” I remember thinking (oh, the things I didn’t know at the time). I believe now that this was God speaking to me about His plans for us, but I just wasn’t ready to listen.
We had our first conversation about adoption as a couple after our second loss, but again, we just weren’t ready to truly entertain the idea. We still believed we could and would have biological children. Plenty of people have two miscarriages and go on to have a healthy biological child, and no one could find anything wrong with us or our babies, so why wouldn’t everything go right the next time? But it didn’t.
When we struggled to get pregnant the third time, we started discussing becoming foster parents. Our (likely misguided) thought was that foster care would fulfill that desire to be parents, but without a permanent commitment so we could still pursue the traditional biological family we had envisioned for ourselves. This idea was sidelined when we learned that, because of the time it would take for us to complete the home study and all the training, we would only have a few months of actually being able to have children in our home before we moved again. I truly believe that not being able to pursue foster care was a blessing from the Lord because I don’t think we were prepared for all that can come with foster care, but it was entertaining the idea of being foster parents that I think started to open our minds and hearts to other ways of building a family.
It wasn’t until after the loss of our fourth baby, Faith, that we decided to pursue adoption though. When I was pregnant with Faith, I was so convinced she would be our rainbow baby. Everything about that pregnancy seemed to be ordained by God- from how she was conceived after so many declarations that we weren’t getting pregnant again any time soon to the fact that her due date was my birthday. And I still believe now that her short life was fully orchestrated by the Lord, just not in the way that I thought when I was pregnant….God used Faith to lead us to adoption.
I can’t even explain exactly what happened when we came home from the ultrasound appointment that revealed that Faith had already gone to be with Jesus. It’s all kind of a blur. All I know is that, in the same moment, Jared and I both knew without a doubt that adoption was our next step; adoption would be the way we grew our family. And the Lord has graciously confirmed this for us over and over again since then (because He knows we’re both questioners and need ALL the reassurance).
We still have a long way to go on our journey to adoption, but we are jumping in with both feet, fully surrendered to God’s plan for our family, and trusting in His goodness and provision.
Everyone seems to have a personal connection with adoption. Share your connection in the comments!
In vibrant health,